Nobody to talk to.

You have thousands of friends. The friend from your primary school clique, secondary school clique, best guy friend, best female friend, the don't-know-what-category friend, ... The list goes on and on.

Basically, you talk to different friends about different stuffs. You talk to Friend A about boys, you talk to Friend B about grades, etc etc.

Here comes the problem.
No matter how many friends you have, there's always things that you can't tell anyone. You're afraid that they're too busy to listen to you, might find you a bore or annoying.

So how can I possibly tell you all about my problems? All of you are having exams.

The thing is, all of you only remembers that you're busy with exams. Nobody remembers that I'm busy trying to make myself feel better.

Maybe I'm too self centred. But has anyone ever put himself/herself into my shoes and think about me? I doubt so.

Last day of school for all of you tomorrow. I bet nobody will remember that I will be alone from now on. Leaving your classes are sad, leaving me probably doesn't matter.

Maybe one day, after all your exams..
I will be gone.

I don't even know why I still hold on.

Hey, its me again.

I realised that I've been holding on to things that I shouldn't hold on to.

Things like..
You.
Bad memories.
Lost friendships.
Bad thoughts.

I tried very hard to install good thoughts into myself. Nobody likes negative people anyway. I tried so hard to forget all these, but at night I'm still the one who will cry over thoughts of you and many other things.

I just can't let go.

How do you "uninstall" people in your life?
How do you ever pretend that you never ever know this person, when you used to know everything about him/her?

You can't. So why do people have to leave? Why can't people stay forever? I guess I will never ever be able to comprehend.

Do you feel the same way?

Things do change

No matter how people try to assure you that things will not change, change is unavoidable.

I've spent this whole year living in denial, trying to believe that even though me and my friends may be in a different year now, we can still be friends.

Because it is my own fault for retaining.
Because it is my own fault for not trying hard enough.

Maybe to them, I am a very unreasonable person, still expecting them to go out when they have to study for 'A' levels. But I did not force it too.

I get it that they need to study.
I get it that they are busy.
It is just that I don't get their attitude.

If it's your birthday, will you be happy that nobody bothers at all? Just because there's national exams does not mean that your friends are less important right.

I already predicted this since the beginning, didn't I? No matter what, our schedules are different already.

I need to get used to studying alone.
I need to get used to missing outings.
I need to get used to being unable to talk to anybody.

Who will care enough to stay by forever?